Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
it's great music for shaving your balls
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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