Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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