I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
