When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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