I met the friendliest cop last night
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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