I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
