She said her name was "party"
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
