How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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