Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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