So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
