i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
