I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
