I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
