Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
