I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
