So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
did i walk over a car last night?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
