Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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