tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
