it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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