i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
