I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
