And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
