Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
