my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Randomize
