I love black thongs
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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