Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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