Apparently you make a good broom.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
