Dual....:-)
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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