I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
