Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
