When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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