he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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