I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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