hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
