My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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