Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Found your dick twin last night
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
