I just cut my nipple shaving
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
