smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
