so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
