I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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