i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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