You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
