i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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