No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
