so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
