I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
