dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
