remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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