Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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