OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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