I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The beer is more important than you right now.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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