He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
