Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
ok first of all what the fuck
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize