Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
me + whiskey = a bad person
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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