I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
