Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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