Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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