...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
