I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
