I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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