we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
