I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
