My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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