I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
I donโt care that heโs a decade younger. Heโs cute and I need a good penising
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