Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
