if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
And then he peed in my hair
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
