i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
