Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize