can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
