I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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